I used to tell myself that I was insignificant. That I didn’t matter because there were 8 billion people on this planet, in this infinite universe that we live in. I don’t matter when you take a look at how big our universe is. I’m just a speckle of stardust. I didn’t necessarily mean it in a bad way, but after years and years of telling myself that, I made myself feel insignificant in every aspect of my life.
I let other people make decisions for me, I put every single other person ahead of myself... in turn, making myself more exhausted and hating myself even more. It hurts my brain when I have to say no to my friends but I have to really think about it and think if what they’re asking me is in my best interest. I run myself down by being at the beck and call of everyone. And it’s not their fault at all, I made my existence insignificant in my own head. I know that people love me, they show me all the time. I put everyone ahead of me because helping others is just a part of my DNA. And putting them ahead of me has ruined me over the years.
I’m trying to get out of the habit of reminding myself that I’m insignificant. That my opinions don’t matter. That my feelings don’t matter. The universe put me here, in this specific time period, for a reason. Maybe I’ll never know the reason, but what I do know is that I’m not supposed to make myself feel insignificant anymore. I want to take the day off and just lay in my bed. I want to not have the obligation to say yes when people ask favours. I want to be significant in my merely insignificant life.
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