I have spent my whole life trying not to ruffle anyone’s feathers. Anyone being my peers, the universe, etc. But not only do I try not to ruffle feathers, I worry about how my being is affecting everyone else’s lives. I do not live for myself. I live in fear of myself.
Over the years I have slowly started to unwind this idea in my head that just existing is living. I have said no to so many opportunities, kept my feelings bottled up, put my mental and physical health last on my list. I have told so many of my peers to live their best, true life and here I am, afraid to live my best life.
Losing my best friend shook my world up and I forced myself to believe that being happy equals losing the people you love. So I push people away in hopes that I will not lose them. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to anyone else, maybe this is something that the universe is throwing in this life to make me believe that I am enough and that this life is finite. I guess i’ll have to wait and see where this goes, right?
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